where to start... i don't think many people will see this the way i meant it, for the mere reason that not everyone knows the feelings interpreted here. the photo is born from very personal feelings of mine, but i would not have taken this unless i felt that it touches and concerns more people, women mostly, so the "I" in the title shouldn't lead you to thinking this is a self portrait, I is anyone who understands the feeling portrayed...i wanted to make a general statement.

it's about trying. trying to fit in, be what the beauty ideals present us, be what we think is the way to happiness and success. we look at the world and smile but may feel inside that we're never good enough. i'm exaggarating, but u know.

i know the photo is not perfect, i know. but for now i'm almost satisfied.

background info:
`superkev's idea to use silver umbrella straight ahead above the camera was good, it emphasizes the excessive amount of powder on the face. i wanted a straight, clinical, unforgiving lighting. Kev borrowed me his hands, his filled the gloves better than mine, and i held the scalpel and syringe which was good cos i know how much pain i can take from them. timer was used to take the actual photo. i got the original idea maybe a year ago but only now i felt like i knew how it should look as for the angle, positioning of hands and stuff. the teary eyes are the most important detail of the photo because they reflect everything under the surface.

/edit: this deviation has not shown up in everyone's watch so i will keep editing it in hopes that it shows up everywhere. i'm truly sorry for the inconvenience this may cause by showing up in your watch again. //